


Hit the Road

by negligibleCatharsis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Ladystuck, Roadtrip Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-28 00:57:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/negligibleCatharsis/pseuds/negligibleCatharsis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the Homestuck Ladyfest. In which Terezi and Vriska go on a road trip across the Midwest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hit the Road

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anxiousAnarchist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousAnarchist/gifts).



> Set in a post-SBURB/SGRUB slightly aged-up AU in which trolls are living together with humans on Earth.

YO COOLK1D!

H1 FROM C4L1FORN14! 1T ONLY TOOK US TWO 4ND 4 H4LF W33KS TO G3T H3R3 >:[ VR1SK4 1S CURR3NTLY 4T TH3 HOT3L COMMUN4L B4TH1NG B4S1N  
SH3S PROB4BLY FORC1NG GRUBS TO W4LK TH3 F4K3 HUM4N PR3-DROWN1NG PL4NK  
1 N33D TO GO CH3CK ON H3R SOON BUT 1 W4NT3D TO TRY 4ND WR1T3 4 HUM4N L3TT3R F1RST SO SH3 4ND TH3 W1GGL3RS C4N SUCK 1T

DO NOT L3T M3 GO ON 4NOTH3R RO4D TR1P W1TH H3R 4NYT1M3 SOON! W3 H4V3 B33N 3V3RYWH3R3 4ND DON3 3V3RYTH1NG 4ND 1T 1S 4LL V3RY 3XH4UST1NG! 4LSO 1 H4D TO B41L H3R OUT OF TH3 SL4MM3R TW1C3  
YOU WOULD NOT B3L13V3 HOW 4NGRY HUM4N 4UTHOR1T13S G3T OV3R PR4CT1C4LLY NOTH1NG! YOUR 34RTH L4WS 4R3 V3RY D1FF3R3NT FROM OUR L4WS 4ND 1 DO NOT UND3RST4ND 4LL OF TH3M Y3T  
SH3 W4S CH4RG3D W1TH R3CKL3SS 3ND4NG3RM3NT BUT ON 4LT3RN14 TH4T W4S 4 W4Y TO 1MPROV3 YOUR R3CORD >:?

4NYW4YS TH3R3 4R3 P1CTUR3S W3 TOOK OF 4LL TH3 COOL PL4C3S W3 W3NT 1N TH1S L3TT3R TOO! TH3Y 4R3 4LL 1N ORD3R FROM F1RST TO L4ST SO UNL3SS YOU TOT4LLY FUCK TH3M UP TH3Y SHOULD B3 PR3TTY FUN TO LOOK THROUGH

  
  


W3 THOUGHT TH4T W3 WOULD JUST GO STR41GHT THROUGH TH3 COUNTRY BUT TH3 HUM4N M1DW3ST 1S 4 LOT MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG 4ND L4RG3 TH4N W3 3XP3CT3D 

SO W3 ST4RT3D FROM L4V3ND3R T4LKS-4-LOTS HOUS3  
4LTHOUGH YOU KN3W TH4T S1NC3 YOU W3R3 TH3R3 TOO  
4ND W3 W3NT W3ST! THROUGH TH3 4M1SH COUNTRY OF TH3 P3NNSYLV4N14 4ND TH3 OH1O  
D1D YOU KNOW TH4T TH3Y H4V3 4 SONG  
WH4TS ROUND ON TH3 3NDS 4ND H1GH 1N TH3 M1DDL3? OH1O!  
1TS R34LLY STUP1D  
4NYW4YS! W3 W3NT THROUGH THOS3 ST4T3S 4ND S4W SOM3 W31RD SH1T  
TH3R3 1S 4 HUG3 WORKH1V3 TH4T R3S3MBL3S 4 B4SK3T 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF OH1O  
TH3 R34L M1DDL3 NOT TH3 H1GH M1DDL3  
D4V3 YOUR HUM4N 4RCH1T3CTUR3 1S 1NCR3D1BLY DUMB 1 HOP3 YOU KNOW TH1S

TH3N OUR P4TH OF TR4V3L 1NVOLV3D GO1NG THROUGH TH3 S41NT LOU1S WH1CH 1S 4 S1LLY N4M3 B3C4US3 1T 1S NOT 4 SO C4LL3D HOLY HUM4N! 1T 1S 4 C1TY  
BUT TH3 G1G4NT1C 4RCH TH3R3 D1D NOT T4ST3 L1K3 TH3 BUTT3RY ON3S 4T TH3 MCDON4LDS  
1T T4ST3D L1K3 4 DULL BL4D3  
1T W4S PR3TTY BOR1NG >:[

4CTU4LLY TH3 ONLY PL4C3 MOR3 BOR1NG TH4N TH3 HOLY LOU1S W4S N3BR4SK4  
WH1CH TOT4LLY SUCK3D GRUB NUBS >:P  
TH3R3 W4S NOTH1NG BUT CORN 4ND GR4SS 4ND TH3 ONLY GOOD TH1NG W4S TH4T 1 GOT TO DR1V3

  
  


\-----

When Vriska hits her eighth cup of coffee and still starts swerving across the centerline, Terezi makes her pull onto the shoulder and climbs over the gearstick into the driver’s seat. She jerks the lever on the side of the seat up with a grinding crunch, and drags herself and the seat forward until her knees are hitting the steering wheel every time she moves. In the passenger seat, Vriska slams the door and curls up facing the window.  
“Where are the keys?”  
“On your right, behind th’ wheel.”  
“… is the engine on?”  
“What do you think, dumbass?”  
“Shut up!”  
“Look, just grab the stick thing and move it around when you when you press the left and right pedals. It’s totally wiggler’s play.”

She’s asleep almost instantly, leaving Terezi alone with the hazy green apple glow of the dashboard and the thudding bass of the radio. She finds the clutch with her left foot and the gas with her right, and mashed them both as she nearly snaps the stick shift in half. Somehow, the car grumbles to life, and the tires squeal as she peels out of the shoulder. The driver’s window is still open, and the cold night air whips her hair across her face. In the dark, the lemon lines are more of a dull cantaloupe, but she follows them as well as she can, swerving whenever she smells candy-apple-red brake lights.

She laughs, cackling wildly at the adrenaline burning in her veins, and presses the gas pedal to the floorboard. Terezi doesn’t stop until the car runs out of gas one and a half hours later. Vriska sleeps through the entire thing.

\-----

OUR OR1G1N4L PL4N W4S TO JUST SL33P 1N TH3 C4R 4ND S4V3 MON3Y TH4T W4Y BUT 4FT3R TH3 F1RST N1GHT W3 R34L1Z3D WH4T 4 SH1TTY 1D34 TH4T W4S  
SO W3 FOUND 4 MOT3L TH3 N3XT N1GHT 4ND 1T W4S  
W3LL  
GROSS  
TH3 3NT1R3 PL4C3 R33K3D OF D3PR4V1TY 4ND C1G4R3TT3S 4ND TH3 B3D H4D 4 D1SGUST1NG 4MOUNT OF STUFF ON TH3 SH33TS  
COLORFUL STUFF  
VR1SK4 TOOK H3R CH4NC3S W1TH 1T BUT 1 F1GUR3D 1T WOULD B3 4 LOT CL34N3R TO SL33P 1N TH3 B4THTUB

  
  


H4V3 YOU 3V3R H34RD OF 1ND3P3ND3NC3 ROCK? 1T 1S 4 W31RD HUM4N CULTUR4L TH1NG  
4PP4R3NTLY 4 L4RG3 GROUP OF HUM4NS M1GR4T3D FROM TH3 34ST S1D3 OF TH3 COUNTRY TO TH3 W3ST S1D3 OF TH3 COUNTRY 4ND STOPP3D 4T 4 G14NT STON3 1N TH3 PR41R13 4ND D3S3CR4T3D 1T W1TH TH31R N4M3S  
1T 1S COV3R3D FROM B4S3 TO TOP 1N C4RV3D MON1K3RS 4ND D4T3S  
1T SM3LLS V3RY BOR1NG 4ND DUSTY L1K3 TH3 R3ST OF WYOM1NG BUT TH3 H1STORY 1S PR3TTY N34T  
VR1SK4 W4S NOT V3RY 1NT3R3ST3D 1N TH4T BUT SH3 CL1MB3D TO TH3 TOP W1TH M3  
TH3R3 M4Y NOT B3 MUCH TO SM3LL ON TH3 GROUND BUT TH3 SKY 1S 4 D3L1C1OUS BLU3 R4SPB3RRY!

  
  


1 4CC1D3NT4LLY SL3PT THROUGH MOST OF UT4H >:[  
4LTHOUGH VR1SK4 T3LLS M3 1 D1DNT M1SS V3RY MUCH  
4CTU4LLY SH3 TOLD M3 1 M1SS3D 4 WHOL3 H3RD OF FLY1NG PURPL3 MUSCL3B34STS BUT 1 KNOW SH3 W4S LY1NG  
1 WOK3 UP 1N T1M3 TO S33 TH3 3X1T S1GN 4ND TH3N W3 W3R3 1N N3V4D4  
D1D YOU KNOW TH4T N3V4D4 1S 4 G1G4NT1C D3S3RT? 1T 1S V3RY DUSTY 4ND BROWN L1K3 WYOM1NG BUT W1THOUT TH3 BLU3 R4SPB3RRY SKY

DO YOU KNOW 4BOUT TH3 V3G4S? JOHN TOLD M3 4BOUT 1T 4 WH1L3 4GO BUT 1 W4S SUR3 H3 W4S LY1NG  
BUT D4V3 TH3 V3G4S 1S R34L 4ND 1T 1S 4M4Z1NG! TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY COLOURS 4ND SM3LLS! 1T 1S V3RY D3L1C1OUS 4ND VR1SK4 F1T R1GHT 1N UP UNT1L TH3 S3COND 4RR3ST  
BUT 1 4M TOLD TH4T TH4T SORT OF TH1NG 1S COMMON TH3R3 SO 1 GU3SS SH3 F1T 1N TH4T W4Y TOO >:?

TH3 N3XT MORN1NG W3 TR13D TO GO B4CK 4ND FOUND TH3S3 P4ST3D 4LL OV3R TH3 DOORS 4ND W4LLS

   
4R3NT TH3Y JUST 4WFUL? >:]  
1 4M F41RLY C3RT41N TH4T 3V3N _YOU_ COULD M4K3 4 B3TT3R POST3R H3H3H3H

4NYW4YS TH3Y S4Y WH4T H4PP3NS 1N V3G4S ST4YS 1N V3G4S BUT VR1SK4 BROUGHT H3R COURT SUMMONS W1TH H3R SO SH3 BROK3 TH4T CUSTOM >:\  
TH3 ONLY TH1NGS TH4T 4CTU4LLY ST4Y3D 1N V3G4S W3R3 MY GL4SS3S 4ND H3R UND3RW34R!!

B3S1D3S 1M PR3TTY SUR3 TH4T WH4T H4PP3N3D 4T TH3 GR4ND C4NYON 1S WH4T _R34LLY_ N33DS TO ST4Y TH3R3 

4ND Y3S 1 S41D TH4T JUST TO P1SS YOU OFF >;]

\-----

“Come on, scaredy-ass,” she says, one leg over the guardrail, “come on, how often do you get a chance to do shit like this?”  
“You’re going to fall to your bloody, sticky death. It will be similar to dropping a tomato from the top of a building, only the tomato will be blue and also full of organs.” And Terezi slides under the rail to sit beside her.

They sit on the very edge of the precipice, legs dangling in the cool night air, and Vriska hands the other girl one of the two bottles she brought with her. The silence, for once, isn’t awkward, and the two drink without saying a word to each other for several minutes.

“This beer is shit.” Vriska announces, before downing the rest of the bottle and throwing it into the dark orange of the canyon. It’s a moment before they hear the sound of shattering glass. Terezi finishes her own beer, and they sit back and stare up at the sky that goes on forever, the stars shivering in the air before Vriska and the vanilla-speckled licorice stinging Terezi’s nose.

“I hate this stupid planet.”  
“No you don’t.”  
“Yeah, I do! It’s so boring and squishy and _weak_ and I hate it.”  
“You are drunk.”  
“I had one beer, Pyrope. Even _Karkat_ couldn’t get drunk on that.”  
“Good point.”

There’s a calm breeze blowing, and Vriska’s hair ends up in Terezi’s face. It smells like dirt and Pepsi and something in the back of her mind that she can’t quite place. Like something she knew a long time ago but forgot about.

“You stabbed me in the back.”  
“Wh-“  
“You stuck your stupid sword right through me, you stuck it right through my fucking bloodpusher, and you killed me!”  
“… I had to.”  
“Had to, schmad to. You killed me, Pyrope, and you think I forgot, but I didn’t.”  
“I know you didn’t. But why now?”  
“Because I’m going to make you pay.”

Before Terezi can move, she has a lap full of Vriska and a mouth full of teeth and tongue, and they aren’t all hers. Vriska’s nails are digging into the skin in front of her ears, and she can taste warm, wet blueberries mixed with cheap, salty beer. In the time it takes for her to seize Vriska by her hips and lean backwards onto the ground so that they don’t both join the shattered beer bottle, Vriska’s claws are underneath her skin, and she feels her blood oozing up around them. It’s all the incentive she needs to dig her own nails into the bony hips under her hands and bite down on that stupid, painted lip pressed between her own. Vriska doesn’t even flinch, just drags her nails down Terezi’s jawline and brushes her tongue up against Terezi’s teeth.

 _It’s kind of gross,_ says a small part of her in the very back of her thinkpan, but the rest of her is screaming, _make her pay make her pay make her **lose**_ , and she highly intends to. Terezi sucks on Vriska’s wounded lip as hard as she can, and her mouth is full of blueberry blood and she _knows_ Vriska can taste it too, she knows because suddenly she’s got her by the horns and Terezi can’t move her head an inch as Vriska starts Round Two of Whose Tongue Is More Flexible.

It's a pure black battle for dominance, and when Terezi gives Vriska her hardest downwards elbow to the ribs and stuns her long enough to climb on the coughing girl's back and put her in a headlock, the two are one roll away from free falling to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

Leaning down to level her bleeding mouth with Vriska's ear, Terezi hisses, "Serket, I'm not done with you, but we are not doing this shit right here."  
"Fine," she gasps back, and throws her weight the other direction and pins Terezi underneath her. Terezi digs her claws into Vriska's back, and she jumps up. Almost instantly, Terezi is on her feet, and she stares up into Vriska's eyes, panting. Neither one remembers moving forward, but they're pressed together again, each trying to make the other pull away first with every tooth and nail. Terezi shoves Vriska backwards until she tumbles over the guardrail onto the asphalt and pulls Terezi with her.

It's another night spent in the car, but the complaints when they wake up aren't about stiff backs.

\-----

4T TH3 V3RY TOP OF TH3 C4L1FORN14 L4NDCHUNK TH3R3 1S 4 SP3C14L FOR3ST  
TH3 TR33S 1N 1T 4R3 3XTR3M3LY OLD 4ND R34LLY HUG3 B3C4US3 TH3Y H4V3 H4D SO LONG TO GROW  
1T 1S 4 PR3TTY B4LL1NG PL4C3 4ND 1 TH1NK YOU WOULD L1K3 1T  
TH3 TR33S SM3LL L1K3 C1NN4MON 4ND SO1L 4ND T4ST3 L1K3 T1M3  
SOM3 HUM4NS CUT HOL3S 1N TH3 TR33S 4ND 4UTOMOB1L3S C4N DR1V3 R1GHT THROUGH TH3M! 1TS SO 4M4Z1NG  
TH3R3 W4S NOTH1NG L1K3 TH1S ON 4LT3RN14  
OF COURS3 W3 D1DNT H4V3 C4RS BUT YOU G3T TH3 PO1NT >:P

  
  


4ND NOW H3R3 4T TH3 HOL1D4Y 1NN W3 4R3 F1N4LLY T4K1NG 4 BR34K! W3 H4V3 SP3NT S3V3R4L HOURS ON TH3 N34RBY B34CH 4ND S3V3R4L MOR3 W4TCH1NG TH3 T3L3V1S1ON  
1T 1S SO N1C3 TO NOT B3 STUCK 1N 4 C4R FOR HOURS 4ND HOURS 4ND HOURS 4ND HOURS

W3 4R3NT SUR3 HOW LONG W3 W1LL B3 ST4Y1NG BUT W3 W1LL PROB4BLY C4LL YOU WH3N W3 F1GUR3 1T OUT

LUCK1LY VR1SK4 M4D3 SOM3 MON3Y 1N TH3 V3G4S 4ND W3 W3R3 4BL3 TO G3T H3R3 BUT 1 4M NOT C3RT41N W3 H4V3 3NOUGH TO M4K3 1T B4CK  
WH1CH BLOWS  
BUT W3 C4N M4K3 1T WORK  
W3LL 1 C4N >:]  
S3RK3T W1LL JUST H4V3 TO GO W1THOUT VODK4 FOR 4 W33K OR TWO

YOU KNOW WH3N SH3 F1RST ST4RT3D T4LK1NG 4BOUT 1T 1 R34LLY D1DNT W4NT 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH H3R DUMB 1D34  
1 4M NOT V3RY 1NT3R3ST3D 1N C4L1FORN14! 3V3N 4S 1 4M S1TT1NG H3R3 R1GHT NOW TH1S 1S TRU3  
1TS JUST 4NOTH3R W31RD HUM4N L4NDCHUNK S3P4R4T3D FROM 4LL TH3 OTH3R L4NDCHUNKS BY 4N 1NV1S1BL3 L1N3  
1T 1S ONLY D1FF3R3NT FROM TH3 OTH3RS 1N TH4T 1T 1S ON 4NOTH3R P4RT OF TH3 B1GG3ST L4NDCHUNK!!!

\-----

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--  
AG: W8ke up, sweetheart! Pack those 8ags 8ecause we’re going to California!  
GC: 3XCUS3 M3?  
AG: You heard me!  
AG: Or t8sted me, whatever.  
GC: WH4T M4K3S YOU TH1NK 1 W4NT TO GO TO C4L1FORN14 W1TH YOU?  
GC: MOR3OV3R WH4T M4K3S YOU TH1NK 1 W4NT TO GO 4NYWH3R3 4T 4LL W1TH YOU?  
AG: The fact that you totally can’t st8y aw8y from me, duh.  
GC: 4U CONTR41R3   
GC: PS TH4TS FR3NCH FOR FUCK YOU YOUR3 WRONG  
GC: 1 H4V3 B33N DO1NG 4 V3RY GOOD JOB OF ST4Y1NG 4W4Y FROM YOU!  
GC: 1T H4S B33N K1ND OF L1K3 4 HOL1D4Y  
AG: Oh pleeeeeeeease. Like you haven’t alr8dy started filling up your duffle 8ag!  
AG: You’re totally excited a8out this, Pyrope.   
AG: Don’t even try to lie to me! I know the truth. ::::)  
AG: Eridan told me that Karkat said that you were compl8ning a8out how 8ooooooooring Earth is.  
AG: So here’s your chance to get out and do something exciting!  
AG: I mean, come on. It’s a road trip across the country! How much more adventure can you ask for?!  
GC: 1 4M GO1NG TO K1CK H1S STUP1D F1SHY 4SS  
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T  
GC: F1N3  
GC: 1 W1LL JO1N YOU ON YOUR S1LLY RO4DTR1P  
GC: BUT ONLY TO PROV3 TO YOU HOW MUCH FUN 1T WONT B3  
AG: Gr8! I’ll pick you up at 8!!!!!!!!

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] \--

\-----

BUT SH3 BROUGHT UP 4 GOOD PO1NT 4ND 1 M4Y H4V3 B33N 4 L1TTL3 H4STY BUT H3R3 1 4M NOW  
4ND DONT T3LL H3R 1 S41D TH1S BUT 1T W4S 4CTU4LLY K1ND OF FUN!!!

W3LL TH3 FRONT D3SK JUST C4LL3D TO T3LL M3 TH4T 1F 1 DONT R3TR13V3 S3RK3T FROM TH3 CLOTH1NG 4BLUT1ON BOX 1N TH3 N3XT THR33 M1NUT3S W3 4R3 BOTH K1CK3D OUT FOR3V3R 4ND 1 TH1NK W3 H4V3 3NOUGH L1F3T1M3 B4NS B3TW33N H3R3 4ND TH3 N3W YORK SO 1 B3TT3R GO G3T H3R

HOP3 YOU 4ND K4RKL3S 4R3 ST4Y1NG OUT OF TROUBL3 >:] T3LL 3V3RYBODY W3 S41D H1  
3XC3PT FOR 3R1D4N  
DONT T3LL H1M 4NYTH1NG H3H3H3

S33 YOU SOON!  
...M4YB3 >:]

CH13F L3G1SL4C3R4TOR PYROP3

  
  



End file.
